How to Talk with your Doctor: Finding a connection

Hello Friend,

It can be a challenge to establish a personal relationship with a doctor, especially in a large practice. My criteria is that my doctor knows who I am before she or he looks at my chart and walks in the door. So, when my primary care physician of many years referred me to another physician in her practice, I thought about how to establish the kind of relationship that I really wanted.

Here is how I chose to begin what is now a treasured, ten-year relationship with "my teammate in health:" I gave her a poem. Yes, a poem. I knew I was taking a risk but I also know that every doctor I have ever talked with goes into medicine because they want to help people. No one goes in saying "I think I'll be really good at using the computer to enter information into medical records in such a way that health insurance will reimburse for my time and expertise." Nonetheless, it can be a challenge to establish a personal relationship with a doctor, especially in a large practice.

I confess, doctors and medical offices make me anxious, I've had too many medical challenges in my life not to be. That's also part of the reason why the personal relationship is so important to me. So when I'm going to meet a new doctor what can I do to begin to establish that kind of personal relationship? I decided to offer my new doctor a poem. I don't even remember now what poem I took, but knowing the timeframe it was probably Billy Collins, opting for humor over deep meaningful insight. So partway through our initial intake I asked her if I could read her a poem, and to her credit she set my chart down, It was paper back then, not a computer, and she gave me her full attention. I read her my poem, and it was the beginning of a wonderful relationship.

As I reflect back, that poem was an offering, "Here is something meaningful to me;" the question asked, "Do you see me?" Think about the way that you might share something that's meaningful to you with your physician. If you only had 60 seconds, can you offer something that brings this connection?